Analysis; Insane Clown Posse's "Miracles" is absolute garbage

i see miracles all around me, stop and look around it's all astounding
water, fire, air and dirt, fucking magnets, how do they work? 

I have to admit something to you all. I am secretly obsessed with Juggalos. Their whole culture is fascinating to me. They are like henchmen in some sort of weird cult of personality based around their super villains, ICP, and other Juggalo bands under the umbrella organization Psychopathic Records. Juggalos seem good at tracking down any anti-juggalo sentiment on the internet, so if you are a Juggalo, I want you to know that even though I think the music you listen to is the worst music possibly imaginable and that you are all pawns in some elaborate marketing scheme, I also appreciate you for some reason. I don't know why. Maybe because when I was a teenager, I was the same sort of outcast you were. In fact, I and my friends were somewhat similar to you, in many regards.

I just didn't subscribe to the worst music possibly imaginable.

Anyway, I thought I would break down what seems to be the newest hit song, or something. I can't help but notice that, besides being one of the most unintelligent, dumb ass songs I've ever listened to, it has an uncharacteristicly positive and uplifting message to it. I guess that's what juggalo "the family" cult is all about these days. While I think this song is so, just incredibly moronic, it's interesting. Does ICP recognize that they've created an insane hate machine, are they trying to enlighten their members to a positive way of thinking? Or is this just a further attempt to solidify their market by reinforcing their cult of personality? Or is it both?

Here is a break down of the lyrics to their hit song, stupidly named "Miracles". The music video of this song is available to watch, embedded at the bottom of this page.

If magic is all we've ever know
Then it's easy to miss what really goes on
But I've seen miracles in every way
And I see miracles everyday
Oceans spanning beyond my sight
And a million stars way above em at night
We don't have to be high to look in the sky
And know that's a miracle opened wide
Look at the mountains, trees, the seven seas
And everything chilling underwater, please

I mean. I'm not even sure what to say here. They have a point, oceans that exist beyond their sight, and a million stars in the night sky. It's true, it's pretty amazing. Mountains and trees are pretty amazing too, as well as the oceans again, and everything in the oceans. I guess I can't really contest that, but I'm not sure it is really correct to describe these things as miracles per se; more like just, uh, the planet we live on. I suppose this could seem like a miracle if you have never really thought about anything before.

Hot lava, snow, rain and fog
Long neck giraffes, and pet cats and dogs
And I've seen eighty-five thousand people
All in one room, together as equals
Pure magic is the birth of my kids
I've seen shit that'll shock your eyelids

First of all, who allowed ICP to have children? What is going to become of this child? This music video makes them sound as if they are discovering things like snow and dogs for the first time, as if they were completely ignorant to these things before the pure magic of the birth of their kids opened their eyes to a beautiful world. Like, afterwards they're sitting around their mansion drinking faygo and being all,

"Woah, ninja, u evah think bout a fuckin' long neck giraffe? WHOOP WHOOP all the juggalos an 'lettes out there gotta know that this is down with the clown!!1"

The sun and the moon, and even Mars
The Milky Way and fucking shooting stars
UFOs, a river flows
Plant a little seed and nature grows

I just, how can I, I mean you are reading this too right? What can I say that would go beyond what you are thinking? I'm still following them on the basics, yes these things are all pretty amazing. UFOs are interesting, and I have been tinkering recently with the idea of becoming the kind of internet whack job that fully believes that ancient Sumerian deities were actually extraterrestrials. Why not? But this whole song so far seems to lack any understanding, at all, as to what these things are. I mean, right, these things exist (except possibly the UFOs) and are interesting, but they aren't all these absolutely mystifying things.

Niagara falls and the pyramids
Everything you believed in as kids
Fucking rainbows after it rains
there's enough miracles here to blow your brains
I fed a fish to a pelican at Frisco bay
It tried to eat my cell phone, he ran away
And music is magic, pure and clean
You can feel it and hear it but it can't be seen

Alright, the first two lines are confusing me. Is ICP suggesting that they believed in Niagara Falls and pyramids when they were kids, and then forgot for a while that they are real? And yeah, rainbows, pretty sweet, people go wild over rainbows. I just, I'm not so sure I should have gotten into this to begin with. What can I write about those last two lines, but I'll just give you a mental picture of the members of ICP coming up with these lyrics after smoking a shit load of weed and feeling as if they were having an enlightened conversation about how amazing music is.

Music is all magic
(Are you a believer in miracles)
You can't even hold it
(Do you notice and recognize miracles)
it's just there in the air
(Are you a believer in miracles)
Pure motherfucking magic Right?
This shit'll blow your fucking mind
(Do you notice and recognize miracles)

I really don't want to sound like one of those "I won't dignify this with a response" people, but I don't know what to say about the chorus.

Music is a lot like love, it's all a feeling
And it fills the room, from the floor to the ceiling
I see miracles all around me
Stop and look around, it's all astounding
Water, fire, air and dirt
Fucking magnets, how do they work?
And I don't wanna talk to a scientist
Y'all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed

Alright, this is where I get pissed off at this song. You're describing all these amazing things. Water and dirt. Magnets are pretty amazing, I could play with a set of powerful magnets for hours. But, you don't want to talk to a scientist? You think they're lying, and it's pissing you off?? WTF is wrong with you? Science is what makes all of these things EXTRA amazing. There is much more to learn about all of these things you're talking about. Magnets are extremely interesting, and it is completely worth talking to a scientist about. At least read the Wikipedia article on magnets, or flowing rivers, or giraffes.

ICP is suggesting that the very idea that water exists is mind blowing. Yes, it is relatively mind blowing if you are discovering water for the first time after drinking nothing but faygo soda your entire life.

Solar eclipse, and vicious weather
Fifteen thousand Juggalos together
And I love my mom for giving me this
Time on this planet, taking nothing for granted
I seen a caterpillar turn into a butterfly
Miracles ain't nothing to lie

Weren't there 85,000 juggalos in a room together earlier? Has that dwindled to 15,000 because of music that by all rights should not be able to get shittier, but is? When did you see that metamorphosis, do you mean in elementary school? Or are you keeping caterpillars?

Shaggy's little boys look just like Shaggy
And my little boy looks just like daddy
Miracles each and every where you look
And nobody has to stay where they put
This world is yours for you to explore
there's nothing but miracles beyond your door

That's Shaggy as in Shaggy 2 Dope, in case you were wondering, one of the two members of Insane Clown Posse. I am glad, Violent J, that you and Shaggy's children bear resemblance to you. A true miracle, I would be worried about that too if I were you.

The Dark Carnival is your invitation
To witness that without explanation
Take a look at this fine creation
And enjoy it better with appreciation
Crows, ghosts, the midnight coast
The wonders of the world, mysteries the most
Just open your mind, and it ain't no way
To ignore the miracles of every day

Yes. Exactly. The Dark Carnival is your invitation to witness things and to explain nothing. Look at this fine, creation. ICP, are you getting creationist on me? Is this because you hate scientists? Why do you hate scientists? Oh yeah, you guys nowadays like to assert that your music is all about Christian values, and now that you're trying to jump into that crowd, you have to act like them, right? Hating scientists and promoting creationism. How about that.

Then the chorus goes on for the last half of the four minute song.

This is, quite possibly, the absolute worst song I have ever encountered. I don't even understand how anyone with any inkling of dignity and intelligence in them could feel completely comfortable identifying as a Juggalo after this.

I do not understand. If you are a Juggalo and aren't a moron, please explain how you feel about this song. Seriously, I'm curious.

Finally, watch the music video for this song yourself. Please note the overt hexagonal nature of the video while you are watching it.

Enjoy: