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OTHERWISE KNOWN AS, reason #4711 I am moving to the desert. As posted on the b0st0n livejournal community.

Hello. This is my twenty-eighth winter in Boston. I know how it goes. I know how to be warm, in spite of frigid temperatures. It's true. I'll show you how, in this guide which cleverly mixes capitalization and normal speak. I hope you enjoy it.

• PRE-WINTER COLD TRAINING; In the months leading up to winter, it is important to remain as cold as you can. This way, when it's actually cold and not a balmy 30 - 40 degrees, you will be prepared. The whole point is to be shivering and freezing early, so later when it is ACTUALLY cold, you will barely feel it.
  • Going out for a minute? Wear a t-shirt and shorts.
  • Sleep with your windows open, unless the outdoor temperature reaches below 25 degrees.
  • If you drive, do so with the windows open.
  • Don't wear a hat unless it dips below 20 degrees.
• LAYERS; It is important that you look like a hobo. The more like a hobo you appear, the warmer you will be. You will know when this effect has been achieved when you notice no one sits next to you any longer on public transportation.
  • TSHIRT
  • THERMAL
  • BUTTON DOWN SHIRT
  • SWEATER/SWEATSHIRT
  • HOODIE
  • WAIST-LENGTH JACKET SUITABLE TO FALL/SPRING
  • LONG WOOL COAT
  • LONG UNDERWEAR OVER REGULAR SIZED UNDERWEAR
• WARMING ACCESSORIES;
  • BOOTS - I mean come on what century is this?? IT'S 2010 PEOPLE THERE'S NO REASON TO NOT WEAR BOOTS
  • FINGERLESS GLOVES - So you're actually able to function in the real world.
  • CONSTANT HOT CUPS OF COFFEE WITHOUT DE-WARMING SLEEVE - This is to counteract the negative effects fingerless gloves will have on your fingertips.
  • LONG MATTY HAIR  - Stop getting haircuts in September, barely ever wash your hair, this will give your hair a nice mat feeling that will help lock in warmth.
  • A HAT - Make sure this is long enough to cover your ears.
  • FUZZY SOCKS - When the garment district has their 50% off sale, completely buy out their selection of fuzzy, feminine socks.
  • BEER - Try to make sure you have at least a slight buzz at all moments where it is not inappropriate to do so.
  • SMOKE CIGARETTES - This warms your insides and helps you feel bad ass, which brings me to the next topic;
• WARMING ATTITUDE/BEHAVIOR;
  • Never complain about how cold it is, but complain about others who do complain
  • Rub into everyone's faces about how not cold you are
  • Always face the wind, avoid shelters (for instance at bus stops) because you can handle it

THERE! I hope you have enjoyed this guide. I spent fifteen minutes working on it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/03/technology/03deal.html?ref=technology

thank god i finally got someone to give me a code so i could have a live journal. i am forever in her debt. thank you! today at work i kept having flash memories back to adventerous times . . . i was trying to remember what life was like when i was on the road. it is disturbingly impossible to realize i actually was on the road for 61 days, i was actually sleeping in ditches and behind dumpsters and on or under picnic tables in bizarre desert or mountain or what have you rest areas.

i can't believe i was so obsessed with my canteen. when i reminisce on these memories, i feel as if i am remembering a very vivid dream. no, that's not right. it feels like i am remembering a movie i watched. the memories are so detached and so not me. i was a completely different person on that trip. i was road trip gene. as much as i do want to write all about the trip, and i will, i really should go to sleep. i spent all night cleaning my room, and a damn good job i did as well, although i stepped on a broken blue lightbulb, which i remember breaking 3 years ago, and covering up with a pillow so i wouldn't have to worry about it right then.

my foot bled and hurt for a while, and i am guessing it will continue to hurt, until the skin the glass is currently embedded in grows out. i have to work tomorrow, eventually, and i don't want to be too exhausted. i'm going to sleep.